No need to harp on this too long but it needs to be said: get the NFC East OUT OF MY FACE. Why are there three NFC East teams in prime time this week? Is this a Halloween gag? The NFL wants to jam a bunch of hideous monsters in our face? Or maybe they’re dressing up three collections of misfits as football teams and trotting them out for the world to see.

The Cowboys are a hideous Frankenstein monster created in Dr. Jerry Jones’ lab, a stars and scrubs concoction that can’t protect its quarterback with an aging offensive line. In theory they’re a good fantasy football team with Ezekiel Elliott, Amari Cooper, CeeDee Lamb and Michael Gallup, but those guys won’t even help your squad moving forward very much without some QB help. And we’re going to have to suffer through seeing them prominently on our televisions over and over for the next two months.

Send help and/or cancel the NFC East. Let’s stay hot this week after a nice little run over the last two weeks. Make sure and check out the Pick Six Podcast for all of our picks and best bets — we’ve hit the podcast parlay in four of seven weeks so far! All NFL odds via William Hill Sportsbook.

Atlanta (1-6) at Carolina (3-4)

8:20 p.m. ET (Fox)
Point spread: Panthers -2.5

This is a pretty stinky line because the Panthers — in case you missed the gigantic header above — aren’t a .500 team and they’re favored. I’m not sure everyone is caught up on how well-coached they are. Matt Rhule is a good coach; this team is hustling, and it wants to win. You know who doesn’t want to win? The Falcons. They bounced off the concrete after Dan Quinn was fired but haven’t showed up since. They’ll force-feed Todd Gurley here and ignore having Julio Jones on their roster. The Panthers will hit D.J. Moore and Robby Anderson several times. I like the Over here a lot, but it’s climbed to 52 or so, which is pricey. Don’t love either side and definitely watch the weather, but I would take Carolina and the Over if you force me to. 

The Pick: Panthers 31, Falcons 28

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New England (2-4) at Buffalo (5-2)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Bills -3.5 

This is purely a buy-low play. And that’s an important concept in betting the NFL — no one wants to back Cam Newton and Bill Belichick right now. I don’t blame them. Cam looked bad against the 49ers last week and the Pats defense just … isn’t good? Stephon Gilmore is on the trade block apparently! I do think New England might have just called the dogs off last week to stay healthy for this Buffalo game. “It just means more,” to quote the SEC. But it does, right? These divisional games are going to decide a playoff spot. I think Belichick might run Cam 20 times this week against a bad Buffalo defense that regressed out of nowhere. Get a lead, play some soft zone against Josh Allen, let a pissed-off Gilmore press Stefon Diggs and see what you can do. 

The Pick: Patriots 21, Bills 13

L.A. Rams (5-2) at Miami (3-3)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Rams -4

Pretty sure everyone will want to back the East Coast team off a bye against the West Coast team playing early off a Monday night game. And I appreciate that! Because the Rams are much better than the Dolphins and Miami just changed to a rookie quarterback who everyone inexplicably thinks will do whatever Joe Burrow and Justin Herbert are doing. Tua is great but this is a terrible spot to start him. Everyone sees that right? Hammer the Rams. 

The Pick: Rams 24, Dolphins 10

Indianapolis (4-2) at Detroit (3-3)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Colts -2.5

Home-field advantage doesn’t matter in 2020 for COVID-19 reasons, but there’s still a little built-in price on it and I think we’re getting a discount on Detroit. This team isn’t bad! I mean it! They should be at least 4-2, and if they are we’re talking about the Lions being in the hunt. But they’re not, so everyone is dismissing them. Do not dismiss the Lions (he said at his own peril). They’re starting to stop the run, they just added Everson Griffen, and we haven’t seen a big Matthew Stafford game yet. I’m here for the Colts and I think they’re good, but I bet they force Jonathan Taylor up the middle in this spot and it backfires to the Lions’ benefit. The total is way too high. 

The Pick: Lions 24, Colts 21

Tennessee (5-1) at Cincinnati (1-5-1)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Titans -6

It’s pretty early in “aggressively overbet Unders based on weather” (WUNDERS, if you follow Tom Fornelli) season, but this feels like a watchable spot. The Titans and Bengals should combine for 80 points in good weather. Watch this one because the total is low if the weather is good. There’s not any defense here on either side. The Bengals run Joe Burrow — a legitimately great young QB — onto the field to possibly get killed 50-60 times a game. They’re throwing, buddy. The Titans want to run Derrick Henry, but Henry running doesn’t preclude them from scoring tons of points, especially against a quality offense. I’ll take the Over here and a Bengals backdoor because both defenses are bad.

The Pick: Titans 35, Bengals 31

Pittsburgh (6-0) at Baltimore (5-1)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Ravens -3.5

The Ravens slander has gone too far. People are accusing the Ravens of not being good because they haven’t played anyone. People think Lamar Jackson has regressed. You monsters are ignoring him getting a bye before he plays his division rival who just lost Devin Bush. The Steelers did a good job containing Derrick Henry, but this rushing offense is different. Additionally, the Ravens defense is just good (whereas the Titans is not). I hate laying more than three for this rivalry game, but this line should be like six. And if you agree with me, do not let Sunday come and go without betting the Ravens to win the division. They’re -125. It’s their best price in two years, and while it’s not free money, this is a really good team that is being undervalued.

The Pick: Ravens 31, Steelers 17

Las Vegas (3-3) at Cleveland (5-2)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Browns -2.5

I think the optics of this game largely line up with taking Cleveland after Baker Mayfield looked fantastic against the Bengals and the Raiders got pummeled by the Buccaneers. And, frankly, I don’t have a very good reason for why I like the Raiders here. Both defenses are pretty bad! But I think the Raiders can run the football effectively here and find a way to steal a win. Seriously, it’s just sort of a hunch and a bet on a market value. That’s not a great reason and I don’t care. Just win, baby. Or just cover.

The Pick: Raiders 28, Browns 24

Minnesota (1-5) at Green Bay (5-1)

1 p.m. ET (Fox)
Point spread: Packers -7 

Every week there’s a line where I think it’s just too obvious to take. This is that week’s line! The Vikings are giving up. They’re trading players to contenders. There’s buzz about trading Adam Thielen and drafting Trevor Lawrence (not even kidding). Aaron Rodgers annually rips apart Minnesota and shouldn’t have trouble doing so at home here. Having said all that, seven points is just too many for a Packers team with a bad defense that can be stormed against for a backdoor cover by Minnesota. Dalvin Cook is playing and there has to be a source of pride here for the Vikings. You can’t just get beat around by your chief rival in a disaster season. Step up and cover, Kirk Cousins! 

The Pick: Packers 35, Vikings 31

N.Y. Jets (0-7) at Kansas City (6-1)

1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Chiefs -19

You know the rule? We don’t bet on Adam Gase in this house. Even when he’s catching almost *three touchdowns* we don’t bet on him. Plus, I think Le’Veon Bell is gonna run wild in the second half here and possibly score two touchdowns in the fourth quarter to spite Gase and give the Chiefs the cover.

The Pick: Chiefs 28, Jets 3

L.A. Chargers (2-4) at Denver (2-4)

4:05 p.m. ET (CBS)
Point spread: Chargers -3

This line should just be higher. The Chargers and Broncos might have the same record, but Los Angeles is a better team and a much healthier (somehow) team. Justin Herbert’s playing really well. Vic Fangio can cook up defense to give him issues, but the run game of Los Angeles should be able to do enough to open up shots down the field for Herbert. I don’t trust Drew Lock against this Bolts defense. 

The Pick: Chargers 21, Broncos 10

New Orleans (4-2) at Chicago (5-2)

4:25 p.m. ET (Fox)
Point spread: Saints -4

OK, I’m done trolling Bears fans by picking them to win every game. I can’t submarine my ATS and SU records like that when they have tough matchups coming up. They’ll still make the playoffs though, so Bears fans can quit worrying about Nick Foles insisting the “season isn’t over” or whatever he said after that ugly Rams game on Monday. Drew Brees is starting to find his groove and Alvin Kamara is just a monster who you can’t contain.

The Pick: Saints 24, Bears 3

San Francisco (4-3) at Seattle (5-1)

4:25 p.m. ET (Fox)
Point spread: Seahawks -3 

Had a weird thought this week and it won’t sit well in Washington: what if the Seahawks aren’t good? This isn’t a Russell Wilson angle, obviously, but what if he’s so good he’s buoying up a surprisingly terrible roster? I’m willing to accept an alternate reality where John Schneider just flipped this whole thing towards the offense with Russ, Tyler Lockett and D.K. Metcalf. That makes sense, but I really believe Seattle thought the defense would be better and it isn’t. It’s terrible! Now they have to rely on perfect Russ games to win and if he’s not perfect, they won’t win. They can’t stop Kyle Shanahan’s schemes. They just can’t. Give me the Niners here.

The Pick: 49ers 31, Seahawks 28

Dallas (2-5) at Philadelphia (2-4-1)

8:20 p.m. ET (NBC)
Point spread: Eagles -9

There is no spread big enough for me to take the Cowboys. Get this ghoul of a game out of prime time already. 

The Pick: Eagles 28, Cowboys 10

Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants 

Monday, 8:15 p.m. ET (ESPN)
Point spread: Buccaneers -10.5 

Just like the Dallas-Philly matchup, this game features a bad offensive line and a young/questionable quarterback against a good defensive line. This is a ton of points at home on Monday night, but fading Tom Brady right now isn’t a great idea and Daniel Jones is a turnover machine with no protection. 

The Pick: Buccaneers 35, Giants 14

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